Harold Camping admits he was high on PCP when he came up with his 'May 21st' calculation.

Harold Camping admitted to anxious reporters today that he was high on the drug 'PCP' when he calculated his infamous apocalyptic May 21st, end of the world prediction. Camping said, "After taking a hit off a PCP laced cigar I bought off Craigslist, it seemed so clear that my calculation for May 21st being the end of the world was accurate. I also traveled into space with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny on that unforgettable afternoon; we all vacation together annually on Pluto."

A sober Camping recalculated his numbers and discovered that the end of the world will actually take place in October. "I feel like a boob! Whoops - my bad." Many of his followers spent their entire life savings by providing fliers and handouts to people across the world.

Story by Scott Llop

Arnold Schwarzengger to star in LifeTime Special: 'The Sperminator'

Arnold Schwarzegger is to star in a LifeTime Channel Special titled 'The Sperminator': a made for T.V. movie based on the recent news of his 'mystery child' with a former house made. Check your local television listing for air date and time.

Story By Scott Llop

U.S. To Hand Over Bin Laden's Beard For Public Museum Viewing

It was announced today that the U.S. will hand over the beard of Osama Bin Laden to a yet to be named public museum in Afghanistan. Howard Smith said, "We feel it would be respectful to Osama's family and followers to at least leave them with a tangible memory."

The head of White House relations, Jim Stoward, revealed that this was a joint decision that was not easy to come to. "At first, we thought about putting Bin Laden's beard on Ebay with a 'Buy It Now' option in hopes to raise money for this top secret mission that is estimated to cost U.S. tax payers 30 million dollars.

Upon further thought into this matter, a special committee decided to donate the former terror leader's facial hair to a yet to be announced museum that plans to have it on display.

Mary Jenkins said, "It's likely that the museum will display Bin Laden's beard for the public to view and possibly allow to touch for a minimal fee of 50 cents. Some say that Bin Laden would of been less menacing without his trademark beard. His facial beard is estimated at being 2.5 feet long and weighing 13 ounces.

Story by Scott Llop